DEPRESSING LONG POST ALERT
ok. thats it. no more cover ups. life doesnt rock actually. it really sucks sometimes. and bah.
here, are my problems. big ones. all out in e open.
SCHOOLbah. no more lying. i've got a real problem: my results are like shit. like seriously, shit. and that totally sucks? you know why? COS I STUDY. I BLOODY STUDY. and guess what? its useless.
i HATE it when that happens.
and dammit God, i know You are there. this i know for sure. but WHERE? i REALLY need ur help, Lord. i know u will help me. but im not believeing it. i feel so empty on e inside. God, daddy, i need You.
its Olvls this yr. You said you would help me through.
but i have my doubts. oh and they are so big. it blocks everything i believe.
help.
too many disappointments lord. way too many.
FRIENDSi've got great friends. superb friends. the best ppl in e world.
but i feel as though i dont measure up to them.
i feel. so far. so small. so...nothing.
and that hurts.
they're samrter, prettier, cleverer, funnier.
sure, im favoured by God. but i dont feel it! it sure doesnt seem so!
favour from teachers? hah. they hate me! like dammit. i've got the absolute worst teachers la.
CHURCHeverybody is happy. wonderful sermons are being said. testimonials are everywhere. everybody is getting their miracles.
but what about me? why dont i have a single testimonial that i can happily share?
why do i feel..like im forgotten?
everybody assures me im not. everybody tells me that God is always holding my hand.
i know that
but truth to be told. i cant feel that. I used to be able to know he is here. now its so hard to trust
RELATIONSHIPlike what everybody goes through. it hurts. it hurts like shit. it hurts when he doesnt care. and i feel like those emo girls who cry everyday and cut the wrists or something when rejected. i used to think they were stupid. stupid stupid bimbos.. now i feel dumb too.
and shit it la.it hurts.
Lord take away the pain...
FAMILYi've got a family like many others. and it has its own problems too. Lord, you know what our problem is. its been there for so long. are you not going to do anything about it? its getting harder and harder to trust lord.
BIG PROBLEMSBAH. sometimes i jus feel like the dumbest most worthless and i dunno whatelse person to have ever lived.
DADDY GOD, JESUS! im crying out to You Lord.where are you. are you going to just stand there and not do anything Lord? it hurts. everything feels so bottled up inside. touch me Lord. i just need You. only You.
they say jus believe. but i cant do it! simply believe? i cant do it either. actually, hell with it, i dont know what wrong with me la. its jus dumb.
dammit im tired. so damn bloody tired.
